Tattered Hearts: Mail Order Brides of Spring Water Book One Read online

  She squirmed a bit, trying to figure out what to say. “I grew up on a fine plantation, and yes we owned slaves. I owned Betsy. I never gave a thought to it being wrong. It was just how things were. I hated the treatment the overseer meted out. But I was just a female. I was expected to smile and know how to arrange flowers.” She shook her head. “Things are so different now.”

  “Yes, things are different.” He pulled off the trail and stopped. “We might as well make camp.”

  She jumped down without his help. She was frightened of what came after the sun went down. Betsy had told her horror stories about what happened between men and women. “I’ll gather some wood,” she called as she went into the woods. A moment alone was what she needed.

  She stopped and leaned back against a big tree trunk. What if he didn’t like her? She’d never had a beau. The war started just before her sixteenth birthday. There were older men willing but her father put a firm stop to their attempts at courting. Maybe she wasn’t likable. No one had ever told her she’d be the belle of the ball someday. Not like they’d told… She shivered. It hurt too much to think about. She needed to keep busy. Pushing away from the tree, she found and carried a big pile of wood.

  Was there something wrong with Parker? Why not find a wife closer to home? She expected Union soldiers to lie. She expected carpetbaggers to lie. She did not expect a Southern mother of a captain of the Confederate Army to lie. She cleared the heaviest part of the woods and pasted a smile on her face.

  Well, she was married, and she had no choices left. She dropped the armful of wood and then stacked it by the fire pit that Parker had made. Where was he? A twig snapped behind her, and she quickly turned around, but she didn’t see anyone or anything, and a shudder rippled through her. Who knew what animals were in the woods?

  Glancing at the horses, she relaxed. They were calmly grazing on the grass. They would have alerted her to trouble. She went to the back of the wagon and put the back down before she climbed in. She could start getting the evening meal prepared. There wasn’t much in this wagon compared to the wagons in the wagon train. Those wagons had been filled with everything the owners had.

  She quickly found the flour and almost laughed. He’d seen her at her worst, yet he’d still married her. Why? He could have ridden away. She might have if the shoe was on the other foot.

  “Georgia?” He had a nice deep voice.

  “I’m in the wagon.” She grabbed what she needed to make biscuits and climbed back out. Parker was getting the fire going. When she approached him, she made sure her face was graced by a smile. His mouth curved upward as well. Her lips twitched.

  “I just set a couple snares. There are rabbit trails everywhere, it seems.” He put more wood on the fire as soon as he had a flame.

  “That must be what I heard.”

  He quickly glanced up at her. “What kind of noise was it?”

  “I heard a twig snap. I looked, but I didn’t see anything. The horses didn’t react so I didn’t worry.”

  He studied her for a moment. “That is a good indicator. I have to say I’m surprised you’d know that.”

  This time her smile was real. “A girl learns a lot when she only has herself to depend on.”

  He frowned but didn’t ask her to elaborate. He probably didn’t want to know. Everyone had a hard luck story about the war. Both sides had suffered.

  “I’ll just get the biscuits ready to put in the Dutch oven.”

  He smiled. “That will go good with the leftover stew from last night. Rabbits have been plentiful ln this part of the trip. I’m sure I’ll be able to get a deer in a few days. I’m glad you can cook. I expected a woman from the south to be pampered.”

  She gave him a sad smile. “Once upon a time I was pampered. But you learn what you have to, and you survive the best you can. I saw women wither and take any proposal even from sharecroppers. Not that marrying a sharecropper is bad, but those women were humiliated and wouldn’t meet my eye when our paths crossed.”

  “Where did you live?”

  “I converted the cookhouse to my living area. It was the only building that didn’t burn. The slave quarters were still intact but I didn’t want to disturb them. I was no longer their responsibility even though many checked on me and tried to help. They didn’t know where to go and many stayed. They had a large garden of their own that hadn’t been pillaged. I helped many find their family members that they’d been separated from and brought them back to my property. In the end, we worked together to keep everyone fed.” Sorrow overtook her and she shook her head. “I cautioned them to make a plan since I could not pay the taxes. It was very likely we’d be run off the land.”

  She finished with the biscuits. “It was pure luck I saw the ad you – I mean your mother placed in the paper. I didn’t know what to do. I was thinking about going north but I didn’t know if I’d be welcome up there. I divided my mother’s jewelry between me and Betsy. I knew we’d get cheated if we tried to sell it in Tennessee, but I figured it would be useful for something. It got me to St. Louis where I was able to join a wagon train heading this way.”

  “Why didn’t you use it to pay the taxes?” he asked.

  “The price was the jewelry plus my virtue. What would happen next year? It didn’t make good business sense.”

  “It’s been rough for you.” His voice was gentle and sincere. She’d heard it all before but no one ever really meant it.

  “It was hard for most. But here I am, married to a man who didn’t know he was supposed to be my groom. That must gall you. I bet having been a captain you’re used to making your own decisions.”

  An ironic smile twisted Parker’s lips. “You’ll soon learn that my mother is the general in the family.” He chuckled.

  “Was there someone back home you had your eye on? Did you have an understanding with any woman?” She held her breath.

  He shook his head. “I’m always too busy to socialize. So the answer is no. I have no interest in any woman.”

  Including her. Georgie put the stew on to heat. She knew what it felt like to have choices taken away. “I’m sorry you got stuck with me. The letters were so beautiful, and I thought I knew you through them, but I really don’t know you at all, do I?”

  “I’m afraid you’ll find that I don’t have a romantic bone in my body. I am the oldest son, the responsible one, the one who was to take over the ranch someday, so I didn’t get much free time to think about much other than cattle. Then the war broke out.” He shrugged his left shoulder. “It’ll be all right. The house is big, not a plantation, mind you, but it’s nice. It’s heavily guarded against the soldiers, carpetbaggers, outlaws, and Indians.”

  “Oh my, are we safe traveling alone?” She peered around into the woods.

  “We’ll be fine.”

  If those few words were meant to comfort her, they didn’t. “How many guns do you have?”

  “You shoot?” His voice was full of doubt.

  “Of course I do. That’s how I’m still alive. I’m a good shot too.” She stirred the stew and checked the biscuits. “It’s almost ready.”

  “Have you ever shot a man?”

  Her eyes grew wide as her heart took up a frantic pounding against her ribs. She didn’t like to think about it. “I only shot people who deserved it.”

  He cocked his right brow but he didn’t ask anything more. “I’ll grab a couple plates.”

  She sighed in relief as her heartbeat went back to normal. So much had happened and she tried to put it all out of her mind.

  Chapter Two

  Thunder clapped and rumbled, and it was coming closer. Parker hoped that Georgia wouldn’t be too opposed to him climbing into the wagon with her. The anticipated rain came pouring down, a sudden cloudburst that soaked everything around them in moments. He grabbed his blankets and his rifle from under the wagon and scrambled for the inside of the wagon.

  To his surprise, she was waiting at the back and dragged his blankets in for
him. He handed her the rifle and climbed in.

  “Sorry about this.”

  She wrapped one of her blankets around her thin nightgown. “It’s not a problem. There’s plenty of room.”

  “Some women would have objected,” he replied as he turned the oil lamp brighter. Her blond hair hung in loose curls down her back. It was lovely and reminded him of silk. What would it feel like to touch it? Her face turned rosy under his regard. “I’ve embarrassed you.”

  “No, well yes. I’m not used to anyone looking at me as though I’m actually attractive. I’m used to speculative leers from most men. The kind that are only because I’m female, not because I looked a certain way. I know I’m plain and it’s fine.”

  He was about to object but decided it would only embarrass her more. “It’s been awkward between us since after we ate. I know you were nervous that I’d plan to bed you.”

  She averted her gaze to the wagon floor, her cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red.

  “I’ve done it again. What I’m trying to say is, that can wait until we know each other. Don’t get me wrong, it will happen. I want children and I… well I won’t need to go into town to the saloon anymore.” He laughed. “Every time I open my mouth I make things worse. I don’t mean to disturb your delicate sensibilities. I’m not as gentlemanly as I was before the war. Forgive me?”

  She chewed on her lower lip then allowed a gentle smile. “I respect your candor. Yes, I blush easily. I’ve never— I’ve had to fight off men to keep myself pure for my husband. I’m not ignorant as to what goes on between a man and his wife. Waiting is more than fine with me. To be honest I wish it never had to happen. It’s not you, it’s with any man. I’ve seen the brutality, and I’ve heard the screams.”

  He laid out his blankets next to hers. “It’s supposed to be pleasurable.”

  She gave him a look of disbelief before she glanced away. “I’m rather tired.”

  “Of course, get into bed and I’ll turn out the lamp.”

  She gave him a quick glance and then burrowed under her blankets, lying as far away from his bedroll as she could.

  His lips twitched in amusement. She acted like a tough pioneer woman one minute and like a nun the next. She was a puzzle, his wife. Wife… How the heck had that happened? He had a lot to discuss with his mother. This time she’d gone too far. At least Georgia had a kind heart. He’d gotten lucky.

  He awoke to moaning and thrashing and for a moment, he didn’t know where he was. He sat up and realized Georgia was having a bad dream. She cried out and tears streamed down her face. He put his arms around her, and she slugged him in the eye. He winced at the powerful hit.

  “Georgia, wake up! It’s a dream.”

  It took a minute but she finally stirred and woke with a groan. “What are you doing?” she asked as she pushed at his chest.

  He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “You were crying out in your sleep.”

  She relaxed and her body sagged back onto the bed. “I’m sorry I woke you. I have dreams sometimes, I guess.”

  “As long as you’re all right.”

  “Yes. We should get some sleep.”

  “Georgia?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you have these dreams a lot?”

  It took her a while before she answered. “Yes, I keep hoping they’ll stop. If they don’t, I’ll forever be waking you up.” Her voice sounded as though she’d somehow failed him.

  “It’s the war. We all have our demons. I have bad dreams at times too. Sometimes I think it took a lot of my compassion for others away. Bitterness seems to come easy at times, and I was never like that before. I think we’ve lived through impossible situations and seen some terrible things. I’m not sure if it will ever go away, but I am glad we’ll understand each other since we both suffered.”

  She gave him a quick nod. “It will be easier to be married to you rather than someone who would think the devil lived in me. I hoped that the dreams would just fade once I was married and you’d never know.”

  He lay on his back and put his arm around her slender shoulder. Gently, he drew her nearer until her head rested on his shoulder. Surprise raced through him as she moved her whole body closer to him. Perhaps they’d be able to offer each other a bit of comfort. He couldn’t talk about the war with his mother, and his men all bragged about how many men they’d killed. He’d felt isolated with his thoughts. But now… he felt more relaxed than he had in a very long time. Maybe having Georgia around would be a good thing.

  * * *

  It still poured when Georgie woke. As soon as her eyes opened, she realized she was lying with her head on Parker’s chest. She slowly moved her head and then she felt the rumbling under her ear. He was laughing.

  She sat up and stared at him. “What’s so funny?”

  “You, trying to move away from me so I wouldn’t notice. I’ve been awake for a little bit.” The merriment in his eyes riveted her to him.

  “I haven’t heard much laughter in the last year. It sounds good.” She smiled at him and glanced around the wagon. “Do you think the rain will continue?”

  “Probably, but we need to keep moving. I’d hate to get stuck in all this mud. As it is, I’ll have to push while the horses pull. You can stay inside and stay dry.”

  She shook her head as she reached for her clothes. “I can pull the horses as you push. There are extra biscuits from last night and day-old coffee. It’ll be cold, but I think we’ll manage until it stops raining. I put wood inside last night in case of rain.”

  He gazed at her for a moment and then nodded. “I didn’t even think about dry wood.”

  “Doing without makes you remember the little things that need to be done. Others on the wagon train didn’t heed the wagon master’s advice, and they had to go without. The Wilsons, though lovely people, didn’t believe in sharing what was theirs.”

  Parker reached out and took her hand. “You would have shared.”

  His hand was so big and strong and for a moment, she wanted to weep. Here was someone who she could lean on for a bit. It felt as though she’d been fighting a losing battle alone for so very long.

  “Could you turn your back while I dress?”

  “Of course. I’ll dress at the same time.” His grin matched the twinkle in his eyes. “No peeking please.”

  This time she laughed, and it sounded so very strange to her. “I’ll try to control myself.” She put her hand over her mouth. This wasn’t the type of banter one partook in with a man she hardly knew. “I apologize, that wasn’t very ladylike.”

  From behind her came the rustling of clothing. “I rather enjoyed it. You are a pleasant surprise. I thought you were one of my mother’s friends. Her friends had all been part of the elite circles. It’s been a while since she was the matron of Charleston. She misses it all. The balls, the gossip, the power to ruin a person’s reputation with a rumor whispered to the right people. I like the ranch better. Every mother in Charleston eyed me as a potential husband for their daughters. I wasn’t looking for a wife. I was too young to tie myself down.”

  She pulled up her hose and put on her shoes. “You were lucky to slip out of their clutches. Mothers on a marriage mission could be ruthless. My sister, Amy, was the belle of the ball right before the war broke out, and she had all sorts of offers.”

  “Did she marry?”

  “She thought the war would be quick and she’d have plenty of time to be courted by all the suitors. She bemoaned her bad decision night and day.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Where is she now?”

  “I buried her behind the burned-out house.” Tears filled her eyes and she angrily brushed them away. “I’m ready.”

  “I have an extra rain slicker. Let’s get it on you.” He held up the large garment and then smiled. “We’ll roll up the sleeves.”

  She put it on and stood still while Parker rolled the sleeves several times. He pulled out a cowboy hat and placed it on her. It engulfed her
head. Grimacing, he reached to take it off.

  “Leave it. I can see and that’s all that counts. Make do is what I like to say.”

  He nodded, put on his gear, and climbed out the back. She followed him to the rear of the wagon and waited until he helped her down. Goodness he was a strong one. Most of the Confederate Soldiers she’d last seen were so thin and weak. If only they’d all had ranches to return to. In Tennessee, so many came back to burned-down homes and missing family members. Many had stopped at her place and asked if she’d seen their loved ones. Most were dead, and it was so excruciatingly hard to have to tell the returning soldiers what had happened.

  She helped him harness the horses, and they both studied the wagon wheels. They weren’t as bogged down as she’d have thought they’d be. Next, she went to the front and grabbed the lines. She pulled when he called for her to do so, and she almost fell when they came forward so fast they surprised her. She led them up to higher ground and waited for Parker.

  Parker took the lines and tied them around the brakes. “Come let’s get you out of the rain.” He took her hand and led her to the back and then lifted her inside.

  “Only for a little while. I can spell you at driving the wagon. I had to drive my share with the Wilsons.”

  He looked as though he was going to refuse her help but in the next moment, he nodded. “That would be a big help.” He started to walk away, then turned and looked over his shoulder. “I’m going to check my snares, and then we’ll get moving.”

  Quickly she took off her rain slicker and muddy boots. Next, she poured a cup of cold coffee and put preserves on a few biscuits. She made her way to the front of the wagon, pleased to see he had returned with some game and taken his seat. She waited for him to urge the horses forward and then handed him the coffee first. “Drink this then I’ll hand you the biscuits.”